Surviving Cancer by Margie Levine

Author:Margie Levine [Levine, Margie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-49151-0
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2001-04-11T04:00:00+00:00

19

Journaling

I have kept a personal journal every year since I was eleven years old. These precious books have carried me through many seasons of my life, giving shape to all I experienced. During my battle for survival, journaling became even more meaningful. I wrote ferociously, describing my fear, frustration, and struggles. I talked about how my back and chest were sore from radiation and how I couldn't wear a bra. I wrote how I couldn't walk into the hospital without getting queasy at the door and about trying to keep up a brave front for my mother. When the weight of illness seemed almost too great to bear, my journal was like a dear friend, available any time day or night, a friend who would not turn away no matter how blue or downhearted I became.

Here in the privacy of a leather-bound book, I could be raw and candid. There was no holding back. I could examine my complex emotions; I could grieve for the old life I wanted to be living; I could find refuge from the consuming pain, nausea, and fear, and it was here where I found courage to raise my sails again. Journaling not only gave me an important outlet for venting feelings safely, it also generated important insights that enhanced my healing. Below are a few lines from my journal:

I couldn't sleep tonight. The hospital was noisy with patients moaning with pain, then this wonderful nurse named Penny came in to ask if I wanted a sleeping pill and we started to talk. She told me her life story and how she got interested in medicine … and for a while 1 forgot 1 was lying in a hospital bed wrapped in surgical bandages. 1 think 1 made a new friend. 12/21/89

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